A Pot Of Holes [Part 2]

If you haven't read the first part , read it here...[Click lar]

So here am I dealing with myself with the question why do I study, again...

"Die lar, this time mock exam very hard!" thus says Calvin.

Hardly anyone would believe.

"He every time also die then resurrect one."

"This JPA scholar kind of worry ar is never a worry."

"No need so humble lar. You so smart one."

Who knows the terrible inadequacy deep inside Calvin

(most of you reading this would refer the inadequacy as Calvinistic perfectionism)

but it's the same inadequacy felt by those who brush aside my comments of "DIE lar!"

One can never really put a shoe in Calvin's feelings. Never.

As I reflected upon my study life, I realised why I can study well is so little of talent, rather because of people and God.

Digging up the memories in embedded in dust, I found out that I hated studies in my primary school. (Duh, who doesn't? But not likely for a scholar whom most people project me as) I hated Chinese like no other Chinese boy. To begin with, my Chinese name was hard enough to write. 熊泽豪. Try counting the number of radicals. My BM sucks. There was this exam that has fill-in-the-blanks which I never will forget. It goes like this B_B_. Above it was a picture of strange animal I knew of, but don't know it looked like that. That must be one of the "BABI"-iest moments of my intellect. And yeah, you think my England very powderful? My mum complained my English is so Chinese and Cantonese that I was forced to cut down my Cantonese. And I HATE tenses. Till now I still make that Sarah-Sim-always-point-out-mistake, the double past tense, ex gratia: What did you said just now? (In gramm"e"r, it supposed to be What did you say just now?) And try checking all the tenses grammar in this post!

There were many times I cried over my Chinese homework and essays. Why was everyone's Chinese so good when mine sucked? Why did that detestable language had to ever exists? My dad said I fail terribly being a Chinese. My dad scolded and beat me over my naughtiness of refusing to study Chinese. The world was terrible.

Then things turned upside down: My dad threw in the biggest punishment ever, the sending to MONKEY-HOUSE, a place in Taman Teruntum where some there's a dilapidated shed with some monkeys. He threatened to leave me there if I don't change. I pleaded with him not to throw me to the monkeys and promised I'll be a good boy.

From then, I became a good boy. Seriously. Every single action I do, I behaved, even how I come down from a car. Despite a terrible of case of what people call as "child abuse" and which I still think it's wrong, I somehow changed dramatically. I took study as a good thing to do and tried to do good, but still suck in Chinese. I still get beaten at times at home, but less.

Done with my dad, my next step of change in studies was teachers. Wen Lao Shi, my first ever tuition teacher, which I urinated in her class out of fear, encouraged me much to study. Then Wang Ai Xiang Lao Shi, my form teacher for three years, forced me to learn up tonnes of Chinese with the spelling tests 听写. She taught me to love maths and I represented my little school in maths competition. Zheng Lao Shi made me love Chinese through the epic stories of San Guo Yan Yi, taught me Science in a way that develop a great way of understanding it, not blind memorisation.

This Zheng Lao Shi made the greatest impact in my life. She was the only teacher who truly cared for me and prayed over my UPSR Chinese Paper. Years later, she still remembered me. And I always remember the miracle of UPSR Chinese getting an A because of her. Chinese was stood as a huge obstacle to my complete 7As in UPSR because I never got an A before in Standard Four till Standard Six. I told Zheng Lao Shi my worries one day when I arrived early at her tuition. She said I can do it because God is there with me. Now as I think again, I've come to realise it's her prayer, not merely my efforts.

The day when UPSR Chinese came, I experienced a peace that exceeds all understanding and found that I can do the questions although the passages were tough. And those days teachers came up with their sets of UPSR answers and marked our objective papers and try to guess if their best students can get A or pass for Chinese. And how glad was I to hear Wang Ai Xiang Lao Shi said in a relieved tone that 泽豪 scored get 84 marks for Chinese Paper 1.

From then on, from the most hated subject it turned into my loved subject, not the most loved lar, but surely the most interesting one. Form 1-Form 3, I had another Christian teacher who tuitioned me Chinese, Wang Lao Shi. For God knows what reason, she emphasized so much on Chinese calligraphy which only carry 8 marks in PMR Chinese paper! My handwriting suckedenough and now handling that Chinese brush when I cannot even hold a pencil properly? You know what? I totally blew it up on my Calligraphy. It's total 鬼画符!

She still faithfully emphasized it when I don't see the significance. But being a good boy, I tried following. 逆锋起笔、横、搜笔. My strokes turned out well. Slowly and with much practice, I can't believe I actually entered a Calligraphy competition and won! Now tell me something one cannot change or learn! From smudging the 九宫格with ink to scoring almost 8 marks in PMR trial exam Chinese Calligraphy section. That's a miracle! (And Mr D, if you're reading, I'm still praying for a miracle in my English handwriting...haha. Hope you live to see it.=)

So as I reflect, it was never my intellect that brought me thus far. It was teachers and great Christian teachers that God provided, who teach tuition not to earn money, but with the purpose of teaching and helping students to understand the purpose of studying.

They stand as lights shining into a pot of holes like me...